What Kids Say About: Handling Stress

Compared with what adults face, it might seem like kids don't have that much to stress about. But kids have their own concerns - and sometimes feel stress, just as adults do. And kids' stresses can be just as overwhelming, particularly if they don't have effective coping strategies.

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What Parents Can Do

You may not be able to prevent your child from feeling frustrated, sad, or angry, but you can provide the tools your child needs to cope with these emotions.

Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice something he or she might be feeling. ("It seems like you still feel mad about what happened at the playground, huh?") This shouldn't sound like an accusation (as in: "OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?") or make a child feel put on the spot. It's just a casual observation that you're interested in hearing more about your child's concern.

Listen to your child. Ask your child to tell you what's wrong. Listen attentively and calmly - with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or tell your child what he or she should have done instead. The idea is to let your child's concerns (and feelings) be heard. Encourage your child to tell the whole story by asking questions like "And then what happened?" and to keep going with "What else happened?" and "ummm-hmmm." Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing as you listen to the story. For example, you might say something like: "That must have been upsetting," or "No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn't let you in the game," or "That must have felt unfair to you." Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why he or she felt that way, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel connected to you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it. Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those feeling words to help your child learn to identify the emotions by name. That will help put feelings into words so they can be expressed and communicated more easily, which helps your child develop emotional awareness - the ability to recognize his or her own emotional states. A child who is able to recognize and identify emotions is less likely to reach the behavioral boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviors rather than communicated with words.

Help your child think of things to do. Suggest activities your child can do to feel better now and to solve the problem at hand. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don't do all the work. Your child's active participation will build confidence. Support your child's good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, "How do you think this will work?" Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that's needed to help a child's frustrations begin to melt away. Other times the thing to do is to change the subject and move on to something more positive and relaxing. Don't give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Just be there. Sometimes kids don't feel like talking about what's bothering them. It's a good idea to respect that, give your child space, and still make it clear that you'll be there when he or she does feel like talking. Even when kids don't feel like talking, they usually don't want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there - to keep him or her company and spend time together. So if you notice your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day - but doesn't feel like talking - initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some hoops, or bake some cookies. Isn't it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a parent, it hurts to see your child unhappy or worried. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver - a kid who knows how to roll with life's ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again. Remember that you can't fix everything, and that you won't be there to solve each problem as your child goes through life. But by learning healthy coping strategies, your child can manage whatever stresses come in the future.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness

P/s: Looks like it is not easy to be a GREAT mother rite..:)

Alert all the time

I was in the office.. I was juz finished talking over the phone with my daughter Myza and Ain. They insist to talk to me longer, however I cant. I told them i'm still working and will meet them when I came back home. Before dat I have just visited Nurin's blog and had read one of the entry which has been posted as REVISITING THE NURIN'S TRAGEDY: A DIAGNOSTIC ANALYSIS REPORT by Munira Mustaffa.

I become the silent reader of Nurin’s blog. I really wanted to know who the evil is. I become emotional every time I think of that. Until now I am so eager and always keep myself updated regarding the case. Arwah Nurin has left us for 100 days..but until now the villain are still free…meaning that we are not safe.

Some people might say dat I was juz too emotional. Even my hubby told me the same. I admit that. Every day when I want to go to the office, I will keep on telling my maid to lock all the doors. I think she might get fed up of me for reminding her same words every day, but I dun care. I told her to keep ignoring every single person who gives salam or what ever. And I always told her that she is not allowed to open the gate and the door must always be lock all the time. And I paste up every emergency numbers beside the house phone as well.

Maybe..I became paranoid. I keep on thinking of my kids at home and I cant stop myself from calling home for more than 4 times a day. It’s juz a few seconds to hear their voice. Dat’s enough. And at the same time I always remind my hubby to keep on eyes of the house when he got a free time. His office is juz a few minutes from my house. So it is easier for him to monitor.

I was juz thinking of my daughter Myza when she starts schooling next year. There is a kindergarten near my house currently and I wanted to send her there. At first I thot of sending her to Smart Reader in Senawang, but that place is quite far. And of course eventho the school is quite near, I still dun trust anybody to send or pick her up from school. Including my maid too. So maybe I decided to ask my hubby to send Myza every day and pick her up when she finished at 12.00 pm. I hardly convince my hubby to take the responsibility. I told him to be alert all the time.

Am I too bad?

Right now I have a single checklist before I enroll Myza to school next year. A few important things that need more attention especially regarding the transportation thing.

This is juz for a start and knowing that Malaysia is not safe like previous years before, it is not impossible if one day I decided to quit my job.

Relieved

Ahhhh…It’s good to be back…I was extremely tired last weekend. I know it is not easy to get what we really want. It was 3 days and 2 nights being in INTAN Wilayah Tengah for my assessment. It is also called PTD Assesment Centre ( PAC ) and dis is the platform where when we already passed the examination, we had to be evaluating during the assessment in mentally and physically aspects. It is not easy, I tell you.

In overall, I might say dat my performance was Ok Ok la…in fact, the module was definitely different from the previous intake. That is no the main problem. But the challenge was when you are not ready with the topic given especially the public speaking session, then you may have a big problem. Alhamdulillah I managed to finish the public speaking and pengucapan awam ( malay ) successfully. Some people who was given a hard topic like Economi had to cramp up their mind with an unpredictable topic given. Some performed well but some were totally lost as they cant figure out the main point to be elaborate.

Everybody seems to look stressed during the assessment. Since INTAN Wilayah Tengah did not provide an accommodation, so I had to drive all the way from Ampang to PJ everyday by 7 a.m and back to home at 11 p.m. We did’nt given much time to seek for the information regarding the public speaking and pengucapan awam session too. So everybody was just like a zombie figure out what to talk about but some had an alternative by browsing the internet. Well, like I said, it was not easy..When I was there, I hardly imagine that I was in The Apprentice program. Yups, the concepts was much same as that program where they have the evaluator and we as the contestants had to show off our capability and strength. They dun talk much as they were only the OBSERVER. But to me, I dun expected to change my character, and it’s better to be myself in a natural ways.

Oh dear….my mind relieved as the Sunday came. That was the finale. It was a hard test. When I came back home after the whole session finished, my mind was so heavy. There was a chocked inside my throat. I felt like crying but there were no tears in my eyes. I feel strange a bit as I know I am the person who are easily cry when the time I really wanted to cry. I dun know how to explain but the burden over my head was totally disappeared. So many things came out after all…I was captured again by the moment starting from the first day at the PAC. It was like a playback and all moment were still fresh.

Oh God...I realized it is not easy to get what we really want. I've tried my very best...I carried away my whole famili's hope, especially mum and my two princess. I've learn a lot..and I thought of so many things...as I drove back home late Sunday, I find myself like a person in a battle who were fighting to be the winner...and the " trophy " is unnecessary be mine...maybe win or lost.

I tried so hard...and the rest I just leave it to Allah s.w.t.

November Rain

I just love dis song...very much

November Rain
by Guns 'N Roses

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Another nightmare

TOO LATE FOR REGRET
Rahman Daros

SOMETIMES, the choices you make will haunt you for the rest of your lives.

The parents of Preeshena Varshiny, nine, will no doubt, spend years wondering “What if ...” Last Thursday, Preeshena was found sprawled on the ground floor of Casa Mila Tower Condominium in Selayang.

The pupil of Sekolah Kebangsaan St Mary had been brutally raped and sodomised before she was mercilessly fl ung off a balcony by her assailant.

“My only mistake was that I left her alone at home. Now, I regret what had happened,” said her father, who refused to be identified.

His wife had just started working again after being a housewife for two years.

Preeshena had been left alone at home since last month.

Her mother, who also wanted to remain anonymous, wished that she had never taken the job.

“I regret taking the new job. We always taught her to be careful, especially after Nurin’s (Jazlin Jazimin) case.”

“I told her what rape was all about, the improper touching by strangers and all the precautions. I’m sure she struggled with her killer as she was a tough girl,” she said. The security guard who was on duty on the day of the incident, said he did not hear anyone screaming on his watch.

“I only heard a loud sound, like something exploded. I thought one of the machines at the laundry shop on the ground floor had exploded, because it was so loud,” he said.

The guard, who also refused to be named, said he was told that four men, a security guard and four foreigners, in their 20s and 30s, were picked up on Friday night to facilitate investigations.

Gombak police chief Assistant Commissioner Mohd Abdullah said no arrests have been made. “We are still investigating,” he said.

It was reported that the victim’s apartment was locked and that there were no signs of forced entry.

Preeshena’s slippers were still in front of the door.

Police are also looking at the possibility that the victim had been taken to a vacant unit on the second floor where she was believed to have been attacked and murdered.

- The Malay Mail

Oh dear..not again…I cant imagine the sorrow of the parents who had to face this kinda situations….as it looks like Malaysia is not safe anymore?? Even when this kid was in her own house can get raped by the sick molester?

What a “peaceful” Malaysia now…

I become emotional when I read this news today..no one can described the anger of the father when knowing that his kid has been raped in that horrible and sadistic situation. Me..like all mother out there can imagine how difficult to accept this. Enough..We dun want any similar "Nurin tragedy".

Looks like I can’t trust anyone now…

P/s: Never leave your child alone