Mama oh Mama

I wanted to suggest something to my hubby. How nice if I can stay here nearby my mom’s house. So I can be closed with my mama..

For the first time ever, I wanted to highlight a bit about my mother. Here, eventho she might not read this.

Being anak mama is a grateful to me, cause being pampered with mama is very “worth it” I can say. Even now, I'm still using mama as my mentor. She is everything to me....without mama, I’m definitely lost. Eventho I have my beloved husband, but still, mama is always the frontliner. When something happen to me, either it is good or bad thing ( not referring to my marriage matter) believe me, mama is the first person I called, then only my hubby. And thank God, hubby is always understand. He never ask me so much about that, and he know that eventho I'm attached with mama, he's never been neglected.

When I was still single, I can remember the keyword of mama everytime she called me :

"nak balik pukul berapa harini ni? Keluar dengan sapa? Balik cepat! "

Actually I already know the questions before she asked. Besides, some of my frens have been called by mama too everytime she failed to get me. Adehh.....malu jer...hik. But I know, she always worries about me.

Now when I already have my own family, the keyword has been changed.

" Anak-anak ok tak? Bawak pegi jalan pegang tangan dorang...jangan lupa ".

Still. She sounds so worried.

I can’t imagine how’s life without her. And now i realized it is not easy to be a mother, cause now I am about to feel the same as mama too. And dis Raya, looks like I will be far apart from mama. So sad....that means I can’t taste mama’s cooking on the pagi raya. Though I can had her cooks everyday, ( since now I'm still staying in Ampang ) , but still, the tasty of her cook especially her rendang ayam and kuah satay is soooo marvelous. Even my hubby respects her cooking too.

When staying at mama’s house, I feel sooooo relieved. Not because of I am rarely entered the kitchen on weekdays lately, but the way my mom treats the kids alone is just the same as she treat me when I was small. The way she talk and the way she cherish my kids is as same as me. I feel so relieved when everytime I come back home and see my kids are always safe. And it is different when I stay alone in my house and just hope for my maid to look after my daughters everyday. The feel is very different. Everyday I will call once an hour, just to ensure that they are fine.

But that doesn't mean that I make used of her goodness, I just wanted to be near and closed to her everyday. Of course I dun want to trouble her so much and I know that now is her time to rest at home after so many years working in office. And that doesn't mean that I wanted to stay with mama forever. I need my own house too, and I have my life with hubby too. It's just that I feel how nice if I can stay nearby.

But one thing, me and mama sometimes can be defined as a good cat fighter too. Hahahah..why do I say that? Eventho we were closed, but when the times in arguing something, I can bet you…she will always be the winner..huhuhuuh….mak kalah tau…hahahah

But it doesn’t reflect me anything, I am get used of it recently. But one more thing can be described my mama…she puts a very high expectations on me..... everything I do, I will refer to her, eventho to the very small thing pun. My life, my carrier, my family and everything has been monitored by mama....and definitely sometimes, it makes me stressed a bit....cause since she already put a very high expectations on me, she always dreams and hopes the very best from me, and if I failed to give her the best, she will feel sad, and me…will definitely feel sad, guilty, regret and what ever…Well, that is the worst case scenario for me.

I can remember once, when at one time I failed PTD exam, I can see the regret on her face, eventho she hardly convince me to try again later, but still, I know she felt so sad and frustrated. I really can’t take that. I really can’t even look she feel sad, in whatever situation, I will feel the same too.

But I know, my mama is always No 1 in my heart.

P/S : Love U ma..

Berangan

I was cleaning up my room last night. Suddenly I found my previous photos*masa zaman muda muda dulu...heeee

Terus tak jadik buat kerja...dok ngadap benda tu jer...huhuhuhu...oh well, there's not so much different between dulu ngan sekarang....hahahaha...

Terus termenung jap, memikirkan kisah muda muda dolu...hahaha..and as usual terus termenung memikirkan masa depan....

Suddenly so many things crossed in my mind, and lately I was thinking of doing something beneficial for myself...including my plan to open a kindergaten...soon....that is actually my dreams. I was actually do some research lately, google here and there just to gather any info related to this business. And I find that there is a lot of plan to be done. *phew...Bilalah nak kaya nih...

Al-Fatihah

Untuk adik Nurin...
bersemadilah dengan aman...

syurga pasti menantimu disana....

Tiring day

My maid is not around at the moment. So lately everything has to be on my own. Now I know how difficult am I if I dun have maid. For a time being, my mom will look after my two kids when I’m working. Luckily, my two princess have already trained for toiletry usage since they are 2. I trained them to shi shi by their own since they are 2 years old. And luckily my two kids can get used of it.

Alhamdulillah, until now, they are ok with it and not even 1 day pun they missed their daily routine. Even at night they dun need any diepers. I will ask them to go for shi shi and brush their teeth first before they asleep. It‘s their routine since they are 2 and everyday, I will ensure they wash their hands and foot before they go to sleep. So it is easier for me and even my maid dulu cause they are now not depends on their pampers anymore. And it is safer too. Heheheh…

Back to my maid story, when I dun have any helper around, of course it’s quite tiring for me because I have to wash my baju and everything. Nasib la skang sumer pakai mesin, but luckily I have my mom, who will cater all the masak – masak thingy but at the same time I have to help my mom too.

And luckily at the moment we stay at my mom’s house, if not I have to think of my house pulak. Argghhhh…terpaksala kerja kerja mengemop lantai, vacuum, mengemas and whatever which I’ve already leave it 100% to my maid before would be my responsibility. What a tiring day…

And luckily this Ramadan I stay in Ampang. So I dun have to wake up at 4 a.m to serve a sahur for my hubby. If not my hubby will only wake up when everything is ready on the table, then he just wallop the food when the dish is ready to serve. Huhuhuhuh..,..what a King kan?

So that’s why lately, when I come back from office I will eat and then just go to sleep as early as I can. And surprisingly, not even 10 minutes, I can already have my sweet dreams….

My heart is always be with YOU

Every time I saw News nowadays about the missing children, I feel choked, sad, worry, and even angry too. Before this we had a big trauma of missing Yin. The whole Malaysian seems to be mourning, and sad of the missing Yin. Almost everyday we can read the news of searching Yin everywhere and the reward increased every single day too. But thank God, Yin at last was found by a family of Myanmar who "keep him for a while".

Now, again we were shocked of missing Nurin Jazlin who has been missing since August 20th, 2007. She is only 8 years old and was reportedly missing when she went out to Pasar Malam on the night of 20thAugust. She failed to return home after going to the pasar malam alone at 8.30pm that day.

How come the parents can let her out to Pasar Malam alone?? Her mother allowed her to go on her own to the pasar malam as it was close to their flat. Eight years old kid cannot be trusted to be alone in the big crowd of pasar malam. They cannot be trusted 100 %. They are still young and small. Maybe we dun know what is actually happen at the night, but the fact is, kids are fragile, and crimes can be everywhere.

A few days later, sources said that a neighbour’s daughter had seen a man, standing outside a van and later pulling Nurin into the vehicle. Nurin was seen being pulled into a van near a pasar malam in Wangsa Maju where she had gone. And search of Nurin become wider, lots of campaign and articles are spread out every where. But still, there is no news for Nurin. Where is she?

And more tragically, we again heard of another cruel murder of kid aged between 8 and 10. The child's naked body was found stuffed in a foetal position inside a gym bag and the said, the child's body was wiped clean of evidence. The gym bag was new too. How could anyone do this??

Other than the horrific circumstances of her murder, nothing is known about her. And why has no one come forward to claim her as their own? It is beyond human capacity to imagine that such a thing could happen. I feel sad when fisrt time I heard the news in Buletin Utama. I feel angry and at the same time so sad. I would feel that she is just like any other kids too. So naïve.

I can’t even read or listen to this kind of news anymore. It makes me feel sad, and even now I already had tears in my eyes.

Where is Nurin?

And how come this girl of no identity can be murdered in such a sadistic death…

I really dun have the answer…

I lost of words. And now, I only have a picture of my kids my mind. I can feel the trauma of the mother who has missing their kids. The scary to hear every single news everyday, and the hope to see their kids back.

Nobody knows…only Allah knows the answer.

I dedicated this old song to all missing children. My heart will always be with YOU

Kau Pergi Jua
by Adam Ahmad

Wajahmu
Seindah serinya pelangi yang indah

Seharum mawar putih segar berkembang

Wajahmu

Mengapa sering terbayang dimataku

Sehingga terbawa didalam mimpiku

Sayangku

Tahukah kau didalam hatiku ini

Tersimpan perasaan cinta nan suci

Kau bunga

Ingin kusuntingmu menjadi milikku

Lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku

Sayangnya

Harapan yang selama ini kubawa

Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya

Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi

Kau pergi jua

Setelah cinta ku kini membara

Belum sempat kucurahkan kasihku

Kau pergi tak kembali…

To Nurin, no matter how, my pray is always be with you.

To the little girl. Child, May you rest in peace. My prayers are with you. I am so sorry that you have to endure all those pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you

Ramadhan

Salam Ramadan

Semoga amalan kita diberkati di bulan yang mulia ini...

Boring night

Dun know what to write...

But dis week seems to be a boring week. Last night my mother came to my place and bring my kids ( and maid ) to kampung for 1 week. They will be back only on dis saturday...lamanye...

And last night when they were gone to kampung at 8 p.m, I was just alone at home since hubby were were still working. He only came back at 12 a.m. So I got nothing to do...watching Tv alone...and I dun even had my dinner cause I feel lazy to cook. And when my hubby back from work, I definitely told him that I was starving...but yet he was just asked me to fry an egg..too bad..

Being alone at home seems to be a nightmare...my house become so quite...and I dun even know what to do... it was just a few hours, but I already feel "missing". Suddenly when I saw thier toys in thier favorite basket, I felt so sad. And I cried...OMG...it's just for a week la...huhuhu...

When kakak is not around I thought that I would feel free to watch TV peacefully. If not I will definitely 'berebut' on the tv channel since for all dis while the tv has been terrorized by kakak with her fav cartoon and astro ceria channel. But still, I feel like a statue in front of the TV. Nothing seems to be so interesting.


P/s: I miss my daughter...:(

U wanna play? Let's play the game..

Only me knows the situation. I dun know either it is suitable to drag the issue here or not. Maybe he or she might read this blog too.

I thot of giving a lesson to that person. But who am I ?? , I am not perfect too, but the way he or she claimed that I am not enough stable compared to him or her, make me feel …..errrkk.

To me, It is better to live happily with my very beloved hubby and daughters. I have everything, my life peaceful. I have a very understanding hubby, he always there for me. I have very cute and smart kids. They give me strength every time they smile. What else? At least I never burden anyone. At least I dun have a chronic problems pertaining a financial issues and asking money from someone else just because you wants to show off, eventho it’s your family members and you will completely headache of paying all back the money.

I dun mind to anybody who wants to share their advice, thought or what ever they feel right. They are most welcomed. But in terms of comment me on why am I until now still cant afford to buy a ‘land’, or maybe an asset for my future with a very sarcastic word, might irritate or insult me indirectly…

Mind your word.

To that ‘person’, believe me, I’m not afraid of losing you.